Secret Recording Shows Gingrich Terrified of Winning GOP Nomination

Cambridge, Mass – A secretly made video recording of an emergency campaign meeting Thursday night depicts an hysterial Newt Gingrich, apparently fearful that he might actually win the Republican Presidential nod. The former House Speaker is one of eight candidates permitted to participate in the series of Republican presidential debates, most of which have been televised or made available through online streaming.

The individual who made the video is a Gingrich staff member, but would show it to reporters only on condition of anonymity. Four reporters were allowed to view, but not copy, the recording.

The emergency campaign meeting was called in response to a New Hampshire Journal poll, announced Friday, but of which the Gingrich team had advance notice, which showed Gingrich running neck-and-neck with former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney in the Granite State. The poll, conducted by Magellan Strategies, a Republican-associated firm, found Gingrich to the be choice of 27 percent of votes, with Romney at 29 percent. The difference, however, was well within the poll's 4 percent margin of error.

"This is ridiculous!" Gingrich is seen and heard screaming at his campaign team. "Three months ago these same nitwits polled me with a 60 percent unfavorable rating!

"I've had three religions! I've had three wives, and cheated on two of them, for Christ's sake! I've been reprimanded and fined $300,000 for House ethics violations! Are people in New Hampshire out of their *&%#ing minds?"

The video then shows a pedagogical Gingrich explaining the basis of his campaign.

"It's sad that the news media doesn't report accurately how the Washington economy works! Do you know how much the President of the United States is paid? $400,000 a year! Why would anyone in their right mind work for $400,000 a year? What am I, a school janitor?"

One off-screen staff member is heard asking whether Gingrich didn't think it his patriotic duty to serve as President, if actually nominated and elected.

"I love humor disguised as a question," Gingrich responds. "That's terrific!"

"Look, we are in this for one thing and one thing only: to attract bigger contracts to Gingrich Group. We do that by getting me free television time on these debates so I can look like a principled conservative.  If I get elected, the D.C. cash cow pulls its teats out of our mouths for 4 years! In the last 6 years I got $2 million just from Freddie Mac for 'historical advice,' and nobody looked twice! It doesn't work like that for Presidents!"

"Instead of playing Micky Mouse games, let's make some money!" he shouted at his staff.

"Nobody leaves this room until I have a plan that keeps me in the campaign as long as possible, but guarantees I will never be the nominee!"

Upon which Gingrich is seen storming out the door to his waiting wife, Callista.

Update

Politico reports:

Newt Gingrich tonight said at an address at Harvard that child work laws "entrap" poor children into poverty - and suggested that a better way to handle failing schools is to fire the janitors, hire the local students and let them get paid for upkeep.

The comment came in response to an undergrad's question about income equality during his talk at Harvard's Kennedy School.

Another Update

See this discussion on Rachel Maddow, which sounds about right. Hat tip to Andrew Tobias.