Some Morning Humor

Lucky you. I've been up since 3 a.m.

“The State Department issued a new travel warning yesterday, urging U.S. citizens to avoid Syria. Yeah, it was part of a new set of warnings called, ‘Things you were probably doing already.’” – Jimmy Fallon

“Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’” – Bill Maher 

“Mitt Romney, whose father was born in Mexico, is now talking up his Mexican heritage. Not to be outdone today, Newt Gingrich said he once cheated on one of his wives with a woman named Juanita.” – Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That’s not a tax, that’s barely a tip.” – Jay Leno

“Rick Perry dropped out. He said while it’s sad he won’t be president, he can always run again next year.” – Bill Maher

“Actually, Rick Perry pulled out of the presidential race yesterday – which is bad news for the guys on death row in Texas. He’s coming home and he’s not in a good mood.” – Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney is going to release 2010 and 2011 tax returns. Not to be outdone, Newt Gingrich is going to release his 1988, 1994, and 2005 wedding vows.” – Conan O’Brien

‎”After disappointing showings in Iowa and New Hampshire, Newt’s campaign looked terminally ill – which is generally when he moves on to something better.” – Stephen Colbert

“You’re not a Washington insider? You, the former Speaker of the House and Freddie Mac consulting millionaire, are THE Washington insider. When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you!” – Jon Stewart (on Newt Gingrich campaigning as a Washington outsider)

“Today, the Stanley Cup champion Boston Bruins visited the White House. President Obama told them he loves hockey as much as any black guy who grew up in Indonesia.” – Conan O’Brien